It's the end of the world...in 2012

Let's all just hope the Mayans got it wrong, that they were just so busy with the whole Spaniards conquering their land, spreading disease, murdering them stuff, they simply forgot to finish the calender. I'm sure they didn't realize the inspiration their little unfinished product would have on future authors, scientists, historians, and Hollywood. As a result, I could spend the new year collecting canned goods, putting the finishing touches on my bomb shelter, and of course, getting my gun collection organized for the impending apocalypse, but, I really don't have the time-hell, some days I'm not even sure if I've brushed my teeth, can't focus on this end of the world business.  


That being said, I guess I could reflect on everything 2011 has brought me and my family... unfortunately, a smaller waistline is not one of them! I'm actually ending the year weighing approximately 20 pounds more than I started, I'm sure the baby that will be exiting in the next two weeks could play a HUGE role in that, but, I've been wrong before. I wanted a big change when I started 2011, since 2010 had sucked a pile of donkey balls. My husband said "this is our year," I've heard that one before, heck, I had been saying that since approximately 1995 to no real avail. So, I had to look at 2011 and think that magically, the new year would bring me something better, that this bad luck streak had to , eventually end, that Murphy and his law had grown bored with me and decided to move on to someone else. As I spent today scrolling through my countless Facebook friends flipping 2011 off and throwing up the deuces, I can't help but smile, knowing that for once, I wasn't the cruel joke of yet another year. Instead, we have been amazingly blessed and to sit and list all the blessings would take me forever, so, I really should only hit on the high points, more than that would just be bragging. 


If you have kept up with my blogs or read my opening paragraph, you are aware of my pregnancy...after 4 boys, my husband and I were not only blessed with another pregnancy, but, a little girl. Our little one should be here in the next couple of weeks, doing everything in my power to keep her in until she hits the 37 week full term mark. This pregnancy has been interesting to say the least--to digress from my initial weight issues would be wrong, being that this whole blog was to document weight loss, and don't worry, it will return to the same very soon! Being pregnant is hard enough on the body, but, when you enter into a pregnancy already overweight, it does not make for the most pleasant experience. I started off with back issues--to be fair, I acquired the initial injury playing Xbox Kinnect, I was a dancing fool for 5 straight hours, but, when I decided to "drop it like it's hot" I didn't quite get back up. Once I could no longer numb the pain with motrin and muscle relaxers, I could feel the damage I had actually done, 9 months later, I still feel it every minute of every day. When the little angel is not sitting on my sciatic nerve, she enjoys burrowing herself into my pelvis...which is basically a mass of mush after 4 kids. The ligaments, muscles, and bones that are supposed to support my fat ass have flipped me the bird, instead, causing me such extreme pain, I not only walk like a hunch back due to my back, but, this weird waddle from my pelvis feeling that at any moment, it's going to split in half!! If the physical pain wasn't enough, I experienced weird dizzy spells, fainting, and heart palpitations quite often the first few months of my pregnancy. Being a fluffy girl, the doctors would blow me off, I mean, of course my body was going to have issues, I'm practically bovine! Never crossed their minds I could be anemic, fat chicks don't get anemia, right??? WRONG, this fat girl had to go on prescription strength iron to start feeling human again. Of course, they didn't discover this until I was 5 months into this pregnancy and demanded they figure out what the hell was wrong with me!!! So, once I had all of this mess under control, it was time for the lovely gestational diabetes test, I've always passed, whether fat or thin, I figured my results would be the same. I mean, the check list of "people who will most likely get GD" should have been a warning sign: "Women over 30" CHECK, "Women of hispanic origin" CHECK, "Women with a family history of diabetes" CHECK, "Women who are overweight" DOUBLE CHECK. Well, guess what--Murphy took a break from messing with my Facebook friends to get one more jab at me. TWO days before Halloween, I get the results that I do, in fact, have gestational diabetes. As a result, the trick or treaters that hit my house got tootsie rolls and dots--if I can't enjoy Halloween candy, neither can they!!!! Suck on THAT obnoxious kid dressed like spiderman, he sucks, and now, so does the candy I just gave you. 


With the aches and pains, the lack of chocolate cake, carbs, and all things sugar, I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. It's only 9 months of misery for a lifetime of happiness. If this is what I had to go through to have another kiddo, then, so be it. I'm thankful that I was able to not only have another child, but, a little girl....take the good with the sugar free crappy. Now, aside from all the great baby stuff, my husband and I were tweeking the financial, career, school, balancing act. Michael began working towards his degree in Computer Science while working at Apple Inc. We have been holding tight, but, I knew my husband wanted something bigger and better career wise--but, without that damn degree, it seemed every position he dreamed of, was virtually unattainable. That is, until one of his computer professors asked for his resume and offered to send it out to some techie places, saying with Michael's military experience, amazing computer skills, and sparkling personality, he would land something. Not only did he land "something" he landed the dream gig. We were so used to the "other shoe dropping" we almost couldn't believe the position, title, or the paycheck. My husband not only began working for a company that has high morals and ethics, but, one that genuinely cares about it's employees, really is a place my husband can see growing and succeeding. Now, if we could only get our credit together to get the house and the car (although, my van with a tapedeck is pretty sweet) we will have it made!!! Like everything, it's all a work in progress...I'm proud of how far we have come, and incredibly proud that we have done it on our own--we stuck it out, even in the hardest times, knowing that eventually, it would come together. 


Serious crap aside, this year has brought us a lot of laughs, some tears, and with 4 boys, my fill of fart jokes, comments about boobs, and a kid starting middle school. I've had to intercept countless hussy photos being sent to my oldest son, Sean, over text messages...I mean, what about a bathroom mirror and a camera makes a girl think "ya, this is the backdrop I want to make you swoon." Then again, my other favs are full length mirrors in ridiculously messy bedrooms. Clean your rooms and bathrooms girls, guys don't want to see your dirty underwear in big piles, or the box of tampons sitting on top of your toilet in the background. My 6th grade kid thinks it's gross, imagine what the rest of us think. Mind you, my 11 year old doesn't have the cleanest room in the world, but, he's also not taking booty shots with his phone and sending them out. This generation shocks me, my son is only 11 and already has aggressive little girls coming after him--as his mom, it makes me want to take a picture of him while he's sleeping with his stuffed pink cow, transformer pillow, and mass quantities of legos strewn about and send it to the hussies--he's a still a little boy, he still calls me "mommy," he has a high school reading level, is in honors courses, and trust me, he isn't interested in your scrawny, awkward 6th grade booty in a bathroom mirror photo shoot. In fact, he shows them to me and laughs...move along hussies, I'm sure there's some boy with big dreams of working the drive thru that will appreciate your pics, leave my kid alone!


While I try to intercept the whore pics, I also have Ryan and Zachary to tend to. Ryan who is going through the "I'm not sure if I want to be a pro skateboarder, or a football player, uhm, can you major in Boyscouts in college?" At 9. I think anything is possible, and I let him dream big, even if he mentioned playing pro ball with the Philidelphia Eagles, which almost had me kick him out of the house. He has become the "defender of mommy" meaning, if his other 2 brothers start acting like fools, he puffs up and tells them to quit messing with me and stressing me out or he's taking them all down. Being that Ryan can take both of them down with little to no effort, they listen, don't mess with my blonde haired, blue eyed hulk, he will take you down. As for Zach, oh, I don't even know where to begin. That boy keeps me on my toes, he's 7, and has so much drama in his 2nd grade classroom I wonder if it belongs on the Jersey Shore. Even worse, when I visit him at school, I know the stories of all the little kids, which ones eat their boogers, which ones dont wash their hands after taking a poop, and which one's mom is a stripper...I judge 7 year olds, I sit at the lunch table and think "you're the booger eater, you should eat your lunch and actually fill up on that" or "you're mom is a stripper, you should have nicer clothes." I'm a terrible person, I blame Zach for filling my head with these stories...yet, I look forward to hearing what drama has transpired behind the slides that afternoon. 


The two year old has made huge strides this year, Sammy has always taken his time doing everything. He didn't show an interest in walking until he was 18 months old, then he proceeded to go from crawling  to the middle of the room, standing up, and taking off. This makes me think he knew how to walk for a lot longer and had just been taking advantage of us carrying him. When he wasn't talking by his 2nd birthday, I called in the speech therapists, who agreed that he had speech delays. Once we got everything set up, weekly therapy visits arranged, and my schedule inundated with speech and doctor appointments, Sammy decided to start talking. Again, I believe the child is just messing with me--some days I just look at him and thank God that he blessed me and my husband with an excessive amount of vodka one night that led to the conception of such a cool little kid. In fact, now that I think about it, I think I have 4 really cool kids, all that were conceived on some kind of alcoholic beverage--except the girl, go figure. Maybe that's the secret to having the girl vs the boy, we will never really know. 


When it's all done and said, and the big shiny ball drops, our family is welcoming in 2012 with open arms, not because we can't wait for 2011 to be over, rather, to see what next year has in store for us, other than the apocalypse, countless documentaries on the Mayans, and the end of the world. To all of those that have followed my blog, facebook page, or had the fortunate honor of my random ramblings via text, phone calls, or in person, I wish you all a Happy New Year. I plan on hitting the weight loss blog the minute this kid pops out...or at least when I can figure out where I keep my laptop and a well formulated thought. As a future mother of 5, I'm surprised I can even breathe and walk at the same time most days.


Peace my bebes,
Andria