Sunday, January 23, 2011

Evactuate the dance floor....seriously, I'm really good, get out of the way-

Seeing as how I have set myself on complete diet self destruction, I figure it is time to rectify some of the damage I have caused to my body. After complaining, crying, and wishing, with absolutely no results, I realized that I was going to have to get my big butt moving. Step 1 was signing up for the "Get Fit Challenge" at work--our district is offering each school the opportunity to compete with other teachers to lose weight and get healthy....I see it as a way to get half off the price of a fitness boot camp. I think that paying someone $200 to yell at me for 24 sessions spread out over 12 weeks is the best way to motivate, after probably making me cry.

Since we have not gotten our "teams" together at work yet, I'm still on my own. I felt the best way to deal with that was watch the MTV show "I used to be fat"....I don't cry during movies, Lifetime or otherwise--I was actually accused of being dead on the inside because "Marley and Me" didn't cause me to run for the Kleenex...dude, the dog dies (sorry if you haven't seen it, SURPRISE!), it's called the circle of life. **cue Elton John's rendition on the 'Lion King; Soundtrack** This show, is about teenage kids who graduate high school, after being fat all their lives, teased, embarrassed, and singled out, and have decided to lose the weight before heading to college, in hopes of a new, healthy, and thin beginning. I made it ten minutes before I balled over the chubby blond girl heading to cosmetology school--by the way, ALWAYS get your make-up done by a chubby girl...think about it, when you have a weight issue, you know your stuff and how to make yourself look better, detract from the negative, trust me, they will make you look a stinkin movie star, but, I digress....This girl was tired of battling her weight, but, what got me was the part where her father told her as long as she was fat, she would never get a man, since they only look at your figure. 

Excuse me...I take pride in the fact that regardless of my size, I have NEVER had any issues attracting men. Granted, not all have been the best of quality, but, the few I've managed to tie down for more than a few months, looks wise, have been grade 'A' meat. My ex husband, good looking jock type, met me when I was freshly out of high school, I was still unruined from children and supersizing--but, through our marriage, the pounds started coming on. Our marriage ended due to his douchebaggery, not my waistline. I dated a few men after my divorce and before I met Michael...for the most part, I did well--in fact, one in particular was really really pretty...he was as dumb as a bag of hammers, but, as long as he didn't speak, he was really nice to look at. I remember thinking Paul was physically out of my league (being that I was a 230lb whale) HOWEVER, I had him on smarts, I assume that's why he stuck around as long as he did. Oddly, I actually broke things off with him when I moved across the state. When I met Michael, I had only been living in Austin for 5 weight didn't seem to matter, we just clicked on every other level *cue cliche song "You Are the Only Exception"--never heard it? Google it...Michael is adorable, at least in my opinion--I run everything by my best friend, so, before completely committing, I asked for the seal of approval, where Michael was immediately labeled as "hot," figure the 'ol bff hasn't been wrong yet.

After 6 amazing months, I found out I was knocked up--sorry, you can put lipstick on a pig, but, it's still a pig...I'm not going to use the term "blessed with a child". Straight up, we got hammered, threw caution to the wind, and well--it will be a magical story to tell Sammy someday. The pregnancy turned out to be a weight loss gold mine! I developed hypermesis, which, basically causes you to hurl every single day, for 9 GLORIOUS months! I delivered Sammy weighing less than when I had found out about the little miracle. Throw in breastfeeding for a year, chasing 3 older children, and running on coffee and prayers, I managed to keep losing, actually almost got under 200 pounds, which would have been the first time in almost 6 years. The rest of that story, well, you'll have to go back a few posts to find out the whole story on how the weight came back on...short story: in August I dealt with going back to work, a surprise pregnancy, then not pregnant, then a tumor wrapped around my right ovary, surgery to remove said tumor and right ovary, (not cancer, YAY, but, had it's own thyroid, which is less than 1% of all ovarian tumors, I'll make it into a medical journal before I get close to writing a best seller) not being able to do jack for 14 weeks, so, I ate cookies, fries, candy, and watched Big Bang Theory season DVDs.

So, now that I have been given clearance to work out again...actually, doctor gave me clearance in December, but, I had lots of holiday food to consume before I really felt comfortable committing to working out, anyway, it's time to get off my couch and get to it. Of course, I wanted to finish my MTV show about the "ex" fat girl first--she ended up losing 49 pounds over 99 days, and has since gotten under 200...seriously, I cried. So, all day yesterday, I thought about how to start getting motivated. First, I took my 6 year old and 18 month old grocery shopping after making a list of healthy meal choices for the week. When we got home, I was so tired from that experience, I put the groceries away then went to my room to cry over being fat and it's control over how I feel physically, mentally, and emotionally (something I do often). I then came up with a plan: When Michael took the older two boys to the Boyscout meeting on Sunday, I was going to go walking--So, today, I strapped on the Nike's, bundled up the baby, got a jacket on the 6 year old, and threw in my slightly retarded golden retriever for good measure. We walked about 2 miles in total--my neighborhood is on an incline, so, that hill was burning--doesn't help when the golden retriever hasn't been leash trained very well, let's just say the first mile was rough. When we got home, I still had energy (yay, endorphins!), so, decided to let the 6 year old take out the scooter and I played catch with the dog...who decided to run over to the poor, young muslim girl delivering food to our next door neighbors--she screamed, because, as we all know, golden retriever puppies are known for their viscous nature. Regardless, she would have been an excellent actress for "Cujo", I felt really bad that my dog ran over to her and stared at her, while she screamed helplessly and froze in terror. At that point, figured that was a sign to go inside, Sammy needed a nap anyway.

Trying to wheel and deal with a 6 year old on a scooter is like trying to bargain for an area rug in Mexico--you can break them down eventually, but, it will take you some time, energy, and charisma. Zach decided a fair trade would be playing our new XBox "kinnect" (misspelled on purpose, I'm not ignorant). We bought one game in particular that I thought would be fun--Dance Central. Basically, it's a very talented Avatar who dances, and expects you to follow their steps to various club, hip hop, R&B, and pop music tunes. Let's just say, that is a work out in ALL sense of the word!! Coolest part is the calorie counter, you pop in your weight (sigh), and it follows how much you move, then lets you know what you've burned off. After 4 hours, I had beyond burned off my breakfast! Zach started off with me doing the dance battles, but, after realizing he has no rhythm and was messing up my 5 star status, I distracted him with his gameboy and took over alone. When Michael and the other 2 boys came home, I was dropping it like it's hot--in fact, I got so good at it, I think I may become a professional hip hop dancer--Mofo Andi is in the house, holla!!!

In total, I worked my butt off for close to 5 hours--the fact that I'm already sore scares the hell out of me, I think Michael may have to carry me to work tomorrow. The thought of standing, clapping, conducting, or holding up a flute currently makes me shudder in fear. I already popped four ibruprofen, took a hot bath, and limped around the kitchen while making dinner. I am determined to do the same thing tomorrow--at least walking the neighborhood if all else fails. I had so much fun working out to a video game, walking the block, and playing with the boys and dog, maybe I can get fit without ever setting foot into a gym.

Until Next Time,


  1. You sooooooooo Rock inspiration. You make me laugh and cry at the same time. I know your frustrations and I'm going to buy the dance central too....put yourself on YouTube?


  2. I would not subject the general public to my Dance Central attempts!! I'm even embarrassed when it records you doing the "freestyle" dance and plays every jelly shaking role back at ya!!! It really is a fun game, I love it--worth every penny! Glad to have you cheering me on, you motivate me just as much!! Much love :)

  3. we joined planet fitness "the judgement free zone" needless to say though I havent dropped weight yet I look trimmer and just feel better to be back where I can workout... since I used to do mild bodybuilding.

    also... if you have xbox.... get a gold account so I can have a new friend! :)