Thursday, January 20, 2011

fat girls + skinny jeans= fat girls in skinny jeans....

Being a chubby girl who enjoys fashion magazines, watching E!, catching up on the latest craze, and window shopping isn't easy. Let's face it, fluffy fashion is not the most couture, the selection is limited, and I've learned that once you weight over 200lbs, you're supposed to suddenly have an affinity for floral prints, elastic waist bands, or overly revealing bustiers. When empire waist came back into fashion, I was THRILLED, no more tight t-shirts, midriff baring tops, or the all too popular spaghetti strap tank tops (that are meant to be worn UNDER a shirt). I believe I bought every shirt in this style in every color--gave me a reason to not suck in, to feel in style, and to spend money on clothes. I thought the fashion world was finally going my way--until I was asked 6 times in the same week when I was due. Damn you designers, you even managed to make empire waist only suitable for skinny girls, touche. 

I generally hide behind my clothing, I am quite aware of the muffin top and do everything in my power to keep it tucked in my jeans. I have always thought that as long as I can fit into Old Navy and the GAP, my weight isn't too out of control--I do in fact fit into Old Navy and GAP, well, at least the shirts. After 4 boys emerging from my uterus, my stomach and hip region is in no way designed for low rise, mid rise, or diva style pants--unfortunately, I had to come to that conclusion one tearful day in the dressing room. I could buy the jeans, suffer the cursed muffin top, and scare small children, or I could suck it up (no pun intended) and hit the fat chick store in search of pants made for a "woman's" body. First stop, Lane Bryant, the clothes are gorgeous, but, uber pricey. I bought a few slacks for work, but, wasn't about to drop $75 on a pair of jeans I don't plan on wearing forever. This store is made for older, professional women, doesn't really target younger women, so, I was a bit limited. I did learn that although a chubby girl, I can not wear chubby girl tops--I have been blessed with a smaller chest and scrawny arms, these shirts swallowed me whole.

I did a little research and found a store called "Torrid"--there is one at the mall close to me, so, I decided to check it promised young fluffy fashion, so, I couldn't lose, right? As a fat chick, I have to take a stand-- just because they make it in your size, does NOT mean you should ever, under any circumstances, wear it. A mini skirt should not be available in larger sizes--when there is more fabric going AROUND, than up and down, you don't need to wear it. Don't tell me you can, that it looks good on you, I just wear leggings, no, no!!! Tube tops, tube skirts, tube sweaters (anything with the word "tube" that doesn't have "sock" following it), jeggings, and leggings is also a big no, girls, we just can't pull it off respectfully! Low rise ANYTHING, this includes bottoms and tops--As a fluffy girl, I have a bit more in the boob area than I had when I was 120 pounds, but, I don't need to flaunt what the fat Gods have given me (hopefully temporarily). If you are over 200lbs, and the word "skinny" is in the description, other than it being an oxymoron, it is a HUGE NO!!!! Fluffy girls, skinny jeans aren't meant for us!! They are meant for waify teenagers who like heavy eyeliner, bad haircuts, and cutting to relieve the stress. There are some women who can pull this look off over the age of 16--they are the minority, not the majority, fluffy girls, stay away from them!!!

Torrid has racks and racks of inappropriate clothing for big girls, why this extreme? Why not sell normal clothing in a larger size, why does it have to be so revealing? I had a very hard time finding anything that I felt I could actually wear on a day that didn't fall on Halloween. Halter tops in an XXXXL, NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Chubby girls, unless you are going a a Renaissance Fair, there is NEVER a reason to wear a top that laces up, ever--Leave a bodice for the time period intended and quit saying "In those days, being fat mean you were fertile. Marilyn Monroe was a size 12." Yes, true, but, by today's standards, Marilyn Monroe's 12 equated to our now, size 4, and the fat and fertile, well, those women averaged 140-150 pounds-I've done my fat girl excuse research, it didn't make me feel better either. I'm not sure if the women that wear these styles are just far more comfortable in their skin than me, but, I just can't picture myself wearing 90% of the items sold at this store. I ended up with a pair of jeans and some Hello Kitty underwear--I'll admit, I was pretty excited over the cartoon underwear, can never find the cute stuff in my size, I'm supposed to reserve myself to granny panties in pastels. I honestly felt a part of this store was exploiting those of us with a weight problem, attempting to give the big girls more fashion options, but, it's also setting many of us to be the joke of the club--the fat girl wearing the skinny jeans amongst the actual skinny girls wearing the skinny jeans, in the end, making us feel more out of place for trying to fit in.

The complete opposite end of this argument, is the fashion departments who have just put the most putrid items on sale for big girls--hence why I mentioned floral. I have never, not once, thin, fat, pregnant, or 12 years old, thought floral print was amazing--I have never once put on a dress and thought "you know what this needs? Roses and a HUGE bow!" Liz Claiborne, STOP, it wasn't in style during the 80s, and it isn't going to make a comeback now...unless I am 5, holding a basket full of rose pedals, and have a bride directly behind me, I don't want to wear a dress, shirt, moo moo, or any other item with flowers and bows. Just because I'm fat, does not mean, I have suddenly decided to look like a walking floral arrangement. Bows, are just, a no...I don't care who you are--unless you're a cheerleader or your name is Minnie Mouse, Daisy Duck, or Hello Kitty, don't sport a bow on any part of your body--except the hair, which is a delicate issue, and I like to think I can pull a small one off every now and again, although, would like feedback from my friends who think I can' bastards never came forward with the perm of 2000--ya'll let my drivers license let me know that was a mistake, thanks again. 

It seems there is an untapped market for fatty that lets us feel like we can fit in despite our bulging waistlines. I have never been one to think I can pull something off that I honestly can't...I won't try to pour myself into a smaller jean size because I don't want to admit that I've fattened up, I make sure I'm tucked, sucked, and folded into my clothing--nothing sticking out that doesn't need to be seen. I don't want to wear stretchy pants anywhere other than my home, I'm not planning on being a flower girl in anyone's wedding, so, bows and floral is not an option, and damnit, I would like Target to start selling the cute underwear above a size L--that Torrid underwear set me back $20! I'm tired of walking into stores that either try to hide that we're fat by making us dowdy and gardenesque, or make us feel "confident" by selling clothing meant to be worn in public, but is really just lingerie that would make a playboy bunny blush. Women, if you are a bit on the large side, be aware of what genuinely looks good and decipher that from the "I'll wear what I want" attitude---I can only believe so many people got dressed in the dark, don't own mirrors, or left their house in a hurry due to a fire and grabbed their much thinner sister's clothing.

Until next time,


  1. Hey, love that clever banner...hmm, wonder who came up with that one!!??? As I told you, I was at the mall with Baba and I just couldn't believe some of these women...don't they have a mirrors. What is it with Latina woman?? What's with the tight jeans, pink or red tight, polyester tops and high heels??? As your Baba was in the "petite" section, one area of any store I shall never frequent, I was in the Big Broad section...FUGLY!!!! I grabbed a mini-skirt and sneaked up on your Baba and asked her, "How would you like to see something wearing this coming at you in a dark alley!!!??" hahahahaha!!!!

    Later, as we were returning to Dillards where the car was parked outside, there was this rather large young woman in front of us, wearing, you got it, skinny jeans ( I could hear the fibres screaming), hot pink polyester knit top and hot pink high heels. My mother went into a tirade, loud enough for the woman to hear her...oey vey!! At least she didn't tell her like she told this young woman at Mandos, daughter of Mando, as she introduced her to me, "She was once young, beautiful and thin." Oh Lord!! Told the young woman not to worry, I too was once young, beautiful and thin and reminded constantly!!


  2. haha i love the section about torrid. yeah dude torrid is a big girl goth company. but that was fun to read ha.